Lemons or Lemonade...

Lemonade or Lemons ….

What hand have you been dealt?  Royal Flush or a hand that needs to be flushed?

Should you --- Bluff?  Fold? Quit playing? Keep playing and hope Lady Luck will finally smile on you?

It’s your choice.  CHOICE meaning that YOU have the POWER to decide.  

To employ a cliché (don’t beat me Jonah), the glass is BOTH half empty and half full.  How you perceive it is a choice.   I don’t remember where or when I heard the wisdom:

“You may not be able to control what happens to you,

but you can always, always, always control

how you respond to the external world. 

The internal world is yours.” 

When my world feels out of control, this is the mantra that centers me.  Fortunately, I am a born optimist and absolutely refuse to entertain endless pity parties and so I don’t flounder for very long before I get out the blender ready to make lemonade out of the lemons.

As Jonah expressed, finding the silver lining in a “bad” situation can fill us with euphoria and renew our belief in the rhyme and reason of the universe. “Bad” things happen to everyone, but sinking in the quicksand or grabbing the branch of silver linings is a choice – only you can extend your arm.  

 

 

When I was a child, my parents drug us off to church at least four times a week.   The deacon who was supposed to watch and protect the kids while the parents were out evangelizing spent his time molesting some of us.  His wife was the head of the nursery, where my youngest brother lay in a crib.  He scared me out of telling by threatening to hurt my brother who he had easy access to.  I stayed silent until I was 22.  Bad shit, right?

Upside:  My relationship with my kids.  Sex was a taboo subject growing up.  But, with my kids, sex was an extremely open topic in every way.  I was watchful, but also educated them.   I was always, always, always there for them.  The open and honest conversations we have would mortify my parents, but I am grateful for the relationship we established and continue to have due to my childhood experiences.  It also made me reject the religious carousel of guilt and fear of the big bad dude on a throne that loves you but just might throw you into hell if you don’t accept his “love.”     

Hurricanes.  Is  an upside even possible?  Of course!  Because of the repeated hurricane strikes on Pensacola Beach, my husband designed the Dome of a Home, pictured above.  In 2004, the NBC news crew stayed in it on the front lines of Hurricane Ivan.  The home has been featured on numerous TV shows, elevated public awareness about storm resistant buildings and has generated a design business specializing in environmentally conscious storm resistant homes.

Being held captive for 24 hours and repeatedly raped.  Upside?  Being a survivor of that experience gives me a perspective of appreciation for life and a “don’t sweat the small stuff” attitude.  When anxiety plagues me about, oh let’s say calculus, I remember my resolve that whether I lived or died, I wanted it to be with a peaceful spirit.

In one of my blogs, I really blasted Conchis because he mentally and emotionally tortured Nicholas.  But, after our conversation on Thursday, I now place much of the responsibility on Nicholas’ shoulders.  He could have left.  His responses were his own.  And if he was better for the experience, (experience, not a lesson, as Dr. Sexson clarified) then it is because he chose to be better for the experience.  If he let it destroy him, also his choice.  Now I feel a little ridiculous placing responsibility on a character in a book because the author wrote the plot and the character really has no free will here … but you know what I mean.

One last bit of sharing…

 

On the way home from Costa Rica, a travel agent caused an unnecessary layover of 3 hours.  The plane we were on was heading to Pensacola but we had to get off the plane, wait 3 hours, and catch another flight – even though there was room on the original plane.  My husband was livid, beating on things, yelling at the agent, and acting like a 2 year old.  Thank goodness this was before 9/11 – or I would have had to get him out of jail.

Anyway, we were flying west along the coast into the sunset.   The thunderclouds were climbing to heaven as the sun melted in the sky.  The sky became a canvas of the sun’s penetrating rays outlining the purple giants in gold.  My spirit was awestruck as I witnessed Mother Earth’s display of majesty and wonder.   I was captured, completely embraced by the beauty surrounding me.

Then, we flew into the thunderheads I had been admiring.  Impenetrable gray.  Overwhelming Mist.  Dull.

And then I realized something that transformed me:

If being inside of the gray mist was all I understood, I would have no idea that I was actually a part of the most beautiful scene I have ever witnessed.  Only with perspective would I know that I was actually centered in a majestic, ascending purple cloud embroidered by the sun’s gold. 

I learned that when I look around and see dull, gray mist, to give it a little bit of time.  With some perspective, I may discover I am actually involved in a beautiful, awe-inspiring event.