Metaphysics of Quality

METAPHYSICS OF QUALITY

THE METAPHYSICS OF QUALITY

While reading Wikipedia’s entry about Robert Pirsig’s philosophy of Metaphysics of Quality, I noted with great interest that Pirsig attended a peyote ceremony which led him into what he called “a mushroom cloud of thought.”  The article explains that “The nature of mystical experience plays an underlying role throughout his work.”   Recent scientific studies are providing supporting evidence that hallucinogens promote experiences with lasting spiritual/mystical significance.   https://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=neuroscientists-probe-psy

Can I just say, I want to go, too!!!  After attending such a ceremony, I might be more productively able to  connect the dots of Pirsig’s metaphysical maze.   However, since I don’t see a class field trip as such in the future, I will have to settle for my Earth bound thoughts on Quality.    Maybe I will listen to Pink Floyd and see if half of the equation is more effective than nothing.

When  determining  the “quality” of something or someone, it seems that a comparison is implied.  The quality is determined as compared to the “gold standard.”  But, what/who sets the “gold standard?”  And whose perspective sets the standard by which all other levels of quality are determined?  The person with the most “Quality?”  Unless you happen to be the most qualified to determine quality, does your perspective matter?  And can one appoint oneself as King/Queen of Quality?

Yeah, it seems I am caught in one of those pesky circles that Brady so eloquently elaborated on in his blog.  Ah, if only I had some peyote, I might be able to jump off the circle and see the origin of the dots and know how to connect them. 

Pirsig defines quality as a perceptual experience first.   Each of us has our own experiences and perceptions and whether these are valid to use as standards to judge “quality” I have no idea.  Regardless of whether we are discussing the quality of ideas, the quality of an education, the quality of a literary author, an item of Quality withstands the test of time.   But, for the immediate present situation how to determine quality remains an enigma.  As Persig explains, “Quality exists always as a perceptual experience before it is ever thought of descriptively or academically.”

Pirsig’s divided static quality into inorganic, biological, social, and intellectual patterns in ascending order of morality.  He placed institutions into the Social Pattern --- would that include universities?  Or would schools be elevated morally into Intellectual Patterns?  Or do they serve both patterns? I would think the learning institutions of Newton’s era would be a gold standard for an institution achieving the Intellectual Pattern status.

  Certainly, I have the privilege of knowing professors who elevate their students into the top rung of Intellectual Patterns as described by Pirsig.   Teachers, such as these, encourage their students to expand their horizons; to ask life changing questions; to not fear the answers they receive; to seek the connectedness of all things on micro and macro levels.  Mentors that care enough to reach out to their students understand that their presence has the potential to completely alter the pathways of their students' lives --- and yet, these life coaches don’t buckle under the pressure.  They continue to light the pathway for those on the journey of finding Quality.   The beautiful spirits of these teachers stretch the very existence of the souls they meet.  Truly, the impact of their presence on the planet will continue to ripple outward for all eternity.

And then there are the “others.”  Just because a person is a “teacher” definitely does not mean they have the skill set to “teach.”  Arrogantly standing in front of a classroom does not imbue one with the ability to lead or explain  --- it just means they have the ability to hold dry erase markers and run power point presentations.   This is NOT quality.   COMPARED to “true professors,” these poor substitutes are glaringly and obviously sub-standard. 

Last semester, I had a science teacher that raised my standards of what I considered a “quality” instructor.  He understood where students usually struggled and instead of using it as an opportunity to “trick or trip up” the students, he was extremely conscientious and made the extra effort to be clear about the troubling sections.   When this professor invited students to his office if they had questions, he was sincere.  He did not see this as an opportunity to flaunt his arrogant brilliance and look down his nose at those who did not instinctively “get” chemistry.  He was there to support his students.  After having the awesome privilege of sitting in his classroom, what I expect from a professor and what I consider a “Quality” education was elevated to a higher standard. 

MSU's Honor’s Seminars are the “gold standard” of academia.  Students of the Honors College have the tremendous opportunity to read mind provoking texts and explore meaningful questions.  Being able to immerse oneself in a classroom with people who desire an educational experience above the mundane with a professor who appreciates and is not threatened by “thinking” students follows the spirit of the ancient learning centers that the world’s greatest thinkers attended.

How to instill quality in a learning institution is a dilemma.  My brother is a high school teacher and the standardized testing  permeates so much of the school year that he rarely has time to actually teach history.  He teaches how to take a test more than he teaches the students about the history they are so apt to repeat in their ignorance.    

At MSU, the students are able to fill out a survey at the end of the semester grading the teacher.   I appreciate the opportunity to express my thoughts:  Did I get my money’s worth out of the class/instructor?  Was the reward for time spent a valuable investment or a waste of time?  

Striving for quality in our educational system is certainly an admirable and worthwhile goal.  How to insure that occurs is a challenge.

Beauty and the Beast Displaced Fairy Tale

Valerie Sigler

            “ Dr. Jade Princeton!  To  ER!  Dr. Jade Princeton!  To the ER!”

“Aaagghh, it just never stops,” Jade sighed.   “So much for a bite of lunch. and a quick nap,” she whispered to the empty room.  In response,  Jade heard her mother’s gentle chastisement, “Jade, why do work in an inner city hospital with so much stress and despair?  What chaos in your head are you trying to drown out ?”

As hard as it was to admit, maybe her mother was right.  Jade had graduated with honors and was pursued by elite research hospitals across the globe.  Yet, she chose to work where a majority of her patients were severely impoverished.   At the end of the day (on days that actually had an nd), Jade felt like she had brightened a few lives and her compassion eased a few pains.

            “Dr. Jade Princeton to ER, Stat!”  Shaken out of her reverie, she threw on her lab coat and rushed down the hallways.  Directed into Room 7, Jade listened as the nurse brought her up to date:  Male, amnesia, age unknown but guessed to be mid-60s from appearance,  found unconscious at the back of a restaurant, regained consciousness on the way to the hospital, de-hydrated, and malnourished.   After listening to the litany of symptoms, Jade glanced up at the gentleman.

            And stopped in her tracks.   His eyes.  Those violet eyes.  Why did they seem so familiar?  When she looked into his eyes a history she did not know paraded through her memory.  Who was this man and what was happening to her?  She stumbled forward and stammered, “Do you know your name?  Do you know how you came to be behind the restaurant?  When was the last time you ate?”  His only response was a slightly Irish, “I don’t know.”  Ordering an IV of fluids and an MRI, Jade promised to check back in on him soon.

            No concussion.  Some scrapes and bruises, but no serious injuries.  And no  answers.  Weeks passed and Jade ordered test after test after test.  No answers.  Even when Jade had a few hours off of work, she was haunted by her amnesia patient.  He had regained his sense of humor, regularly entertaining the hospital staff with his quick wit.  The staff had taken a poll and decided Mr. John Doe would now be referred to as Mr. Adam Kane.   Mr. Kane’s attitude was upbeat, but his body continued to deteriorate.  The staff routinely brought him chocolate cake and ice cream, but his weight kept falling.  Like a time lapsed video, his age seemed to increase exponentially.

            Jade was determined to find answers for the intriguing man with the violet eyes.  She realized, too late, that her interest in his recovery had become personal.  She was inexplicably connected to Adam.  Falling back on her true gift of research, she began to look beyond Western medicine for answers.   In her twenties, Jade traded in her holistic, naturalistic medicinal upbringing for the glint and glamour of Western medicine.  Now, it was time to return to her roots, quite literally, and see if her mother had any healing herbs and roots that might help. 

            Jade took three deep breaths and dialed her mother.  “Mom, my patient needs help and Western medicine doesn’t have the answers.  I need to find a cure for him, will you help?”  That evening, Jade and her mother pored over the yellowed pages of ancient texts in search of clues.  Over the next several days, they pursued rumors, hunted for legends, and read myths about ancient quests to find the elixir of life.  It was then that Jade realized she would travel the world for this man, climb any mountain, search any ocean, or traverse any landscape if it would bring Adam back to health. 

            And so she did just that.   Native American legends told of a plant that grew at the bottom of Crater Lake in Oregon, so she went.  A solitary cactus plant in the African dessert promised fortifying restorative properties.  Jade dissected, studied, and experimented with the plants, but to no avail.  Refusing to become discouraged, she called a monastery in Nepal after reading a story in one of her grandmother’s dusty volumes.  The monk promised to speak with her about a mythical plant if she would travel to see him.  She caught the next flight out.

            Reaching Nepal exhausted, she decided to sleep before traveling to the monastery.  Vivid dreams skipped across her sleep.  She was gardening outside a small stone cottage.  The laughter of children tickled her ears as the sound of waves crashed in the background.  Peace and contentment had never been so complete!  She could smell the bread baking and stew simmering as she crossed the threshold.  Sitting before the fire, reading to the children was … WHAT!  It was the man with the violet eyes.  As the children giggled and rushed over yelling, “Mom, look at the flowers we picked for you!” Jade looked into her children’s violet eyes.   

            Jade awoke expecting to be inside the cottage with her family.  After several minutes, she realized the dream that seemed so much like reality was just a flight of fancy of her subconscious.   Attributing the dream to oxygen deprivation, she dressed to see the monk.  The peace of her dream lingered as she walked the many miles to the monastery. 

Upon arriving, she began to tell the tale of the rapidly aging man with no memory.   The monk abruptly interrupted her by asking, “Is this the man you dreamed of last night?” 

            “How did you know?” 

“To find the answers to your questions, you must to put your Western ideas aside.   In the web of life, all threads are connected.  Dreams are a part of this web.  The man in your dreams, the man in your hospital, is a part of your Soul’s web.  Your partnership is not bound by time, space, or lifetimes.  You have arrived at your answers.”

The monk proceeded to tell Jade of a plant that grows in a high mountain valley whose flower must be picked on the summer solstice after a cleansing rain shower under a radiant rainbow.  “Impossible,” she thought.  “How can I meet so many qualifications?”   It was a week until the summer solstice, 7 days to purify her soul and ask the Universe to guide her to the magical  land of the rare Moon plant. 

Jade’s week in the monastery blessed her with several more dreams of her “family.”  She realized she was visiting past lives and knew for certain she would begin another life with Adam as soon as she returned with the healing flowers of the Moon plant.  Her love and diligence was rewarded as the rainbow blessed the plucking of the petals.

            Back at home, Jade and her mother concocted a concentrated tea for Adam to ingest for 7 days beginning on the full moon.  Each day, Adam began to look younger and younger until he returned to his youthful look of 34.   The memories of his past lives with Jade were the first to resurface.  He, too, remembered the stone cottage with the violet eyed children. 

            On the seventh day, Jade went into Adam’s room and he patted the bed and invited her to sit down.  Once settled, he took her hand and said, “I remember why I was in America.  I came to find you, the woman of my dreams.”

            Adam recovered quickly after ingesting the herbal concoction.  Jade continued her research into the disease that had afflicted Adam. After uncovering and explosing a subterfuge by a Big Pharma company to create a “disease” so they could “discover” a multi-billion dollar cure, Jade’s life was in danger.   Adam whisked Jade off to safety in a familiar stone cottage which they filled with laughing, violet eyed children while she continued her research.  The entire family had gone back to their "roots"  and found the joyful place they had inhabited in previous lifetimes.

*JADE: 

Green Jade is a stone with a heart of healing. 

Flow of well-being and balance. 

Nourishing vibrations. 

Beneficial effect upon one’s dream life. 

Growth of one’s chi or life force energies.

Aids in emotional and physical well being

Broadcasts peace and loving-kindness

Believed to endow possessor with ability to interpret dreams

Detox effect on the body

Symbolizes renewal

Chinese tradition symbolization:  wisdom, justice, compassion,

                modesty, and courage.

SEVEN:

                        Ruling planet – Neptune

                        Color – Green

                        Gemstone- Moonstone

                        Intellectual, philosophical, imaginative, psychic

                        Search for meaning of life and the hereafter

                        In tune with nature

                        Peaceful nature

                        Spiritually motivated

                        Loving science, medicine, and research

                        Wise

                        Higher knowledge and the understanding of the mystery of life

VIOLET/PURPLES:

                        Color of good judgment

Color of people seeking spiritual fulfillment

Brings peace of mind.

 Purple is a good color to use in meditation.

Purple has been used to symbolize magic and mystery, as well as     royalty.

color of purpose

associated with the Crown chakra

violet is associated with imagination and inspiration.

associated with mysticism and purification.

sharpen psychic awareness, connection with higher self, and to increase imagination and inspiration

The Ouroboros or Uroboros^[a] is an ancient symbol depicting a serpent or dragon eating its own tail.

The Ouroboros often symbolize self-reflexivity or cyclicality, especially in the sense of something constantly re-creating itself, the eternal return, and other things such as the phoenix which operate in cycles that begin anew as soon as they end. It can also represent the idea of primordial unity related to something existing in or persisting from the beginning with such force or qualities it cannot be extinguished. While first emerging in Ancient Egypt, the Ouroboros has been important in religious and mythological symbolism, but has also been frequently used in alchemical illustrations, where it symbolizes the circular nature of the alchemist's opus. It is also often associated with Gnosticism, and Hermeticism. Carl Jung interpreted the Ouroboros as having an archetypal significance to the human psyche.^{[citation needed]} The Jungian psychologist Erich Neumann writes of it as a representation of the pre-ego "dawn state", depicting the undifferentiated infancy experience of both mankind and the individual child.^[1]

Collecting Coincidences

COLLECTING COINCIDENCES: 

Several years ago, I engaged in the rewarding practice of keeping a journal of coincidences and miracles in my life.  I embarked on my quest after reading Deepak Chopra’s THE SPONTANEOUS FULFILLMENT OF DESIRE:  Harnessing the Infinite Power of Coincidence.  I am thrilled that the assignment to collect coincidences will spur me once again to pay attention to web that connects us all. 

I realize everyone is waaayyyy to busy to read Deepak’s book, but put it on your list of books to read in your life – your life will be immeasurably enriched.  As I prepare to collect my coincidences, I am skimming through the book again and would like to share a few gems with you.   

“Although we think of them as extraordinary, miracles also streak across our consciousness every day.  We can choose to notice or ignore them, unaware that our destinies may hang in the balance.  Tune in to the presence of miracles, and in an instant, life can be transformed into a dazzling experience, more wondrous and exciting than we could even imagine.  The question is:   Would you recognize a miracle if you saw one?  If you recognized it, what would you do?  And if you could somehow orchestrate your own miracles, which miracles would you choose?”

Beyond your physical self, beyond your thoughts and emotions there lies a real within you that is pure potential, from this place anything and everything possible.  This part of you is interwoven with everything else that exists and with everything yet to come. 

We have all experienced events that might be considered amazing or uncanny.  Each time we have an experience like these, we can choose to dismiss it as a random occurrence in a chaotic world, or we can recognize it for the potentially life-altering event it may prove to be. Coincidences are a kind of message.  By paying attention to life’s coincidences, you can learn to hear their messages more clearly. 

When you live your life with an appreciation of coincidences and their meanings, you connect with the underlying field of infinite possibilities.  That is when the magic begins.  This is a state I call SYNCHRODESTINY, in which it becomes possible to achieve the spontaneous fulfillment of our every desire.   Synchrodestiny requires gaining access to a place deep within yourself, while at the same time awakening to the intricate dance of coincidences out in the physical world.  It requires understanding the profound nature of things, recognizing the wellspring of intelligence that endlessly creates our universe, and yet having the intention to pursue specific opportunities for change as they appear.

The more attention you give to coincidences, the more likely they are to appear, which means you begin to gain greater and greater access to the messages about the path and direction of your life.  We become aware of the exquisite patterns and synchronous rhythms that govern all life. 

The Past Possesses The Future In "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been"

HOW THE PAST POSSESSES THE PRESENT IN

“WHERE ARE YOU GOING, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN”

by Joyce Carol Oates

           Watching the movie "Smooth Talk" was like (yes, I said like)   climbing into the proverbial time machine.  I was immediately catapulted back to my high school days – the same notorious ‘80s of the movie.  The experience of a teenage girl is perfectly captured: the sexual awakening,  the angst, the curiosity, the fear, the belief in youthful immortality, the superior attitude towards one’s parents, the casual lies, the yearning to belong- --yet the need to be independent, the quest for excitement, the need for boundaries, and the inevitably of jumping too far and ultimately being grateful for the safety net of your parents –which both saves and smothers you.    

                Even though I am 50 years old, when I hear music from my youth (big hair bands) or watch a movie from that era, 35 years evaporate and I am in the “timeless space” of my youth.  Emotions that have lain dormant for decades are evoked.  I am often curious about this sensation of time travel and wonder what is occurring biologically, chemically, and on a quantum level as I am transported back.   Are the same factors creating the timelessness of the myth and fairy tale?   Is genetic memory being activated?  A longing of our very soul?  The remnant of our past lives?  

Whatever it is and however it is accomplished, these triggers that were born at the dawn of humanity continue just as powerfully today.  Myths and legends are replete with gods' and goddesses' sexual desires.  Since "Eve," humans have exalted and succumbed to the heat of their passions.   From the first oral stories to the shelves of contemporary erotica, sexual awakenings are a consistent theme.   

 "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been" summons the ancient story of Adam and Eve.  The mythology of the Garden of Eden introduces us to the original trio:  Adam, Eve, and the Serpent.  (Connie's father, like Adam, was fairly oblivious to the great emotional turmoil existing in his home.)

The dewy fruit glinted in the sunlight, beckoning Eve to taste its sweetness.  All she needed was a slight nudge, a gentle hand wrapped around hers as she plucked the succulent pome.  The beautiful, seductive Serpent offered Knowledge, Truth, and Answers.  His soft coaxing teased and coerced Eve into succumbing to her deepest desire to “KNOW what the Forbidden Fruit offered.”   Eve was curious enough to be convinced by the Serpent that he could lead her to the consummate experience. Although Eve had boundaries established by her “Father,” the desperate NEED to experience what Life had to offer and to “be like God” made the risk worth taking.   

Connie, having sipped at the exquisite fountain of sexual awakening, was both intrigued and frightened by the desires driving her to risky behavior.  At first, she just “looked at the fruit” at the drive in restaurant, then she caressed the fruit but refused to actually bite.  But, curiosity and the need to KNOW (in the Biblical sense) made Connie susceptible to the smooth talking gentleman who promised her a special experience.   Her parents’ boundaries faded from sight as the attentions of an older man appealed to Connie’s fragile ego and burgeoning sexuality.  Carefully, craftily, Arnold offered the fruit of Knowledge to Connie.  Unable to resist, she “watched herself” move into the sunlight where the Serpent awaited her.   

“Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been” seems to be a reflection of the original story of sexuality found in Genesis.   It is also a mirror of the contemporary teenage girl’s transition into adulthood.  Every moment of every day, teenage girls struggle to emerge from their parent’s cocoon and escape as a beautiful butterfly as they seek the Knowledge and Wisdom life offers.    In many instances, for better or for worse, a seductive Serpent is the catalyst for the transition. 

On a personal note, although I feel Arnold was a creep, I don't believe the "Serpent" in the Garden was evil.  He, very truthfully, was offering Knowledge to Eve.  God was the liar in this story and begs the question why would God not want his "children" to Know the Truth of Good and Evil or eat from the Tree of Knowledge.  The only answer I have is that ignorant people are easier to control.  "Sheepeople" are desirable by "god" because he can lead his "flock" the way he wants without having to answer pesky questions.  
In ancient Sumeria, the Serpent was not considered evil, and was the symbol for Knowledge.  In the Sumerian texts, the Serpent was the symbol for Enki, the god of science and medicine.  Enki is credited for creating "The Adama."  He is also credited with saving Noah.  Sexually, Enki had "relations" with wife, daughter, graddaughter, niece, grand-niece, and Eve (which resulted in Cain).  The ancient Sumerian texts referred to offspring as being 2/3 their mother ----  a genetic reference to the fact that only the mother' passes the mitochondrial DNA to their children (a fact modern scientists have only recently discovered).  Enki's knowledge of DNA combined with his serpent icon, led to the medical caduceus still used today.

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Unintentional Connections

 

 

CONNECTIONS

 

 

Curious...

 

One of the most fascinating moments of the Master Class with Y. Martel for me was when students asked him questions about connections they had made in the story and what he intended the connections to mean.  Occasionally, he looked perplexed and admitted that he hadn't actually thought of that angle before.  Of course, it doesn't mean that the connection wasn't valid, just that the reader had connected the dots in a way the author had not. 

 

So...  I went back and read my "fairy tale" that I wrote last week.  I was shocked when I researched the name I had chosen for the main character only to discover that it was THE PERFECT NAME!  If I had researched names for weeks before I wrote the piece, I could not have come up with a more symbolic name for my character.  Talk about double meanings!!!  I was literally laughing out loud as I found more and more qualities of the name that fit my character PERFECTLY!!!  Craziness!

 

So...  Where did that name come from that "popped" into my head?  Was it past knowledge that I had just forgotten?  Was my creative hand "guided?"  Was it an "accident?"  "Coincidence?"

 

I don't know but I am very curious about how connections I was not even aware of ended up in black and white on my paper.    There were other profound alignments that I did not make consciously.  When I read my fairy tale in the detective manner we read "Signs and Symbols," I found a number of unintended but enriching connections. 

 

How the hell...???  Anyway, I hope I have time to briefly tell you of the connections after my story.  If not, I will write it in a blog.  I just don't want to give spoilers.  I don't mind spoilers, but out of respect to the assignment, I will wait.

 

Has anyone else discovered this about their stories?

 

 



Signs and Symbols: Patterns

SIGNS & SYMBOLS:  PATTERNS

I won’t pretend to be well read enough to know what the patterns in this article mean or if they mean anything.  But, in the hope many of you are a better Sherlock Holmes than I am,   I will list the repetitive patterns I noticed.   I have no idea if numerology or tarot have anything to do with it at all.  Just thought I would put it in there in case someone else can connect the dots.  I do know the Tarot is based on archetypes.  

NUMBERS:

4:

Fourth time

Forty years

Quarter of an hour

Four years old in the park

In numerology, the number 4 vibrates to the energy of spirit made manifest into matter or putting things into law, system, and order.   “4” is the foundation upon which all things stand to sustain life. 

Four is all about discipline and following the rules.  It is considered “grounded energy,”

10:

Ten jellies

Ten jars

score of years

ten minutes

In numerology, the number 10 is a 1  (1+0=10).   The energy of 1 is intensely active, high mental vigor, goal-oriented, forceful, courageous energy.   Requires a complete overcoming of self before it attains its highest success.

THE MAGUS (Magician) in the Tarot card. 

6:

Insomnia

In numerology, the number 6 is focused on the energy of love as a transformative force.

8:

difficult to understand

In numerology, the number 8 involves the energy of directing, judging, and planning.  Represents the material world of money, power, and vision.

PLANTS:

Swaying and dripping tree

Darkly gesticulating trees

Groaning firs

Leafless tree

Dense tangle

mangled flowers

beautiful weeds

Does the tree refer back to the Tree of Knowledge? Garden of Eden?

NAMES:

Isaac, the Prince

Aunt Rosie

Elsa

Charlie (wrong number)  what is up with that?

CARDS:

Knave of hearts

9 of spades

Ace of spades

Does this refer to Tarot cards?  Hearts = cups; Spade = swords

KNAVE OF HEARTS = KNIGHT OF CUPS

     Knights signify a period of transition.  Cups relate to emotions.  The Knight of Cups is idealistic, artistic, sensitive and imaginative.

9 of SPADES = 9 OF SWORDS

     

     Card of gloom and doom that originates in the mind, not in reality.  Pessimistic.  Bad dreams or morbid fantasies.  Depression.

ACE OF SPADES = ACE OF SWORDS

     Ability to think logically and act in fair minded, responsible way.  Rational response to a situation of conflict.  Denotes courage in adversity.  Even if things look hopeless, truth and justice will prevail.

OTHER:

Glass surfaces

Still pools

Mirror

Life current

Dutiful beating of one’s heart

Blood corpuscles

Dentures

No teeth

Saliva husks

Birds with human hands and feet

Tiny fledgling bird half dead

Staring sky

Great mountain

Phenomenal nature

Tear a hole in his world and escape

Creepy and Horrifying

CREEPY & HORRIFYING

“She put out her hand against the screen.  She watched herself push the door slowly open as if she were back safe somewhere in the other doorway, watching this body and this head of long hair moving out into the sunlight where Arnold Friend waited.”

Have more disturbing words ever been written?  Not that I’ve read.  She “watched” herself walk into grave danger --- against her intuition, against her fight or flight instincts… As if she were merely a puppet controlled by an entity outside of herself.   Is there a puppet master sometimes pulling our strings?  If so, where does it reside? In a battle of wills between ourselves and that other voice arguing in our head, what determines the winner? 

It reminds me of the typical horror movie when I am yelling, "No, don't go up the stairs into the room with the creepy noises!  Are you freaking crazy?!?!?!?"  And it reminds me of the vampire genre where the vampire has to smooth talk his way into the house.  Somehow the victim is talked into being a participant of their own victimization.  

This piece disturbs me on a visceral level.  So much so that I actually feel physically ill when I read it.

When I was 25, I was held captive for over 24 hours while a demented man oscillated between a raping madman and concerned caregiver as I puked over and over.  The raping madman kept his weapons close to insure cooperation.  However, when I was making a mad dash to the toilet, he held my hair back and caressed my face with a cool cloth.  To get out of there alive was my ultimate goal.  Many times I felt as if I were “watching” myself be violated as my “other” self mentally focused on how to manipulate this crazy situation into a survivable one.

Repeatedly, I kept thinking, “My last experience on this planet will be with this person?  My final words will be heard by a crazy man?  My final thoughts will be filled with ….”  And it was then that the light bulb blinded me.  My physical experience, he could control.  My last words, he would hear. 

But my last thoughts….. THOSE WERE MINE AND MINE ALONE!!!  What would I feel those final moments with was my choice.  I could choose fear.  I could choose beauty.  I could choose love.  The point was I COULD CHOOSE! 

As he drove me to a deserted field, relieved me of all personal identifying items, and picked up his knife, I knew it was time for my final conversation.  Obviously, something I said triggered a response that made him release me with a sound of disgust and anger.  My body was free!  Mentally, it would take years for freedom to arrive.  Even now when I read a story such as “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?” the impact of what transpired during those endless hours haunts me.

Last Tuesday night, my stepson shot his wife and himself.  Both are alive.  He was transported to jail yesterday and has not had contact with anyone outside of law enforcement yet.  I wonder if he will say that he felt like he was outside of himself and watched himself do this horrible thing, even as the other voice in his head told him to not destroy all of these lives.  I don’t know, but the questions hang heavy.  I imagine him laying on his prison cot wishing he could take back that moment in time, switch to an alternate universe where sanity had reigned, or thinking of the countless ways his life might have taken a different path.  He is a handsome, brilliant man with everything to live for and all who know him stagger in disbelief at what he did to his new (3 months) wife.

One of our classmates mentioned the coping mechanism of compartmentalizing.  Although not a desired method for her, I, on the other hand found it a life raft in raging ocean.   The variety of coping mechanisms humans employ are as diverse as our species.  There is no “right way” only what works for you to be able to continue your life with some modicum of “normality” – whatever that is.  I’m not sure anyone can teach another how to divide his/her life up into manageable pieces.  I don’t ever remember not doing it.  For me, I find comfort in visually boxing up certain events in pretty packages, placing them in my storage closet, and then locking the door.  I have control over the key that opens the door.  The secret is that I feel, (whether it is true or just an illusion), that I control the door. 

There is little that terrifies me more than not being able to control circumstances that affect me.  I guess that is what terrifies me about this story:  Connie could not control herself and walked out of that door into danger’s arms.  Who controls our lives?

image from Osho Zen tarot deck

The Art of Attention

Image from Osho Zen Tarot

THE ART OF ATTENTION  by Sven Birkerts

“To pay attention, to attend.” 

“To be present, not merely in body – it is an action of the spirit.”

The  profound ‘ramblings ‘ as a man rides a stationary bike mirrored my own mind’s circuitous trips.  Initially,  I strive to stay present, then I find my mind wandering.  But, many times as my mind floats through free thinking associations, I stumble upon profound truths.  Removing the rigid restraints  I impose upon my mind allows it the freedom to create directed focus.  In this rare freedom, my mind is allowed to navigate to what it deems most important. 

“… recognitions often come during these trances,

when the mind is so susceptible.

I was… suddenly alert with the sensation of

“This is it ----this is my life!”

A multitude of gurus , philosophers, and spiritual leaders try to teach their followers to meditate, to extinguish the external cacophony so that one may hear the Soul speak.  Many times , their rhetoric results in a maze that leads to frustration rather than to peaceful exaltation.  The deep wisdom taught in this article is belied by the simplicity of its imagery. 

The author did not have to climb to the top of Everest to gain perspective of the beauty in his world.  He found it in the limited view afforded him as he rode a stationary bike, offering proof that beauty and wisdom is everywhere and anywhere.

“I know that there are insights so fundamental,

so close to our core, that we walk

in their vicinity seeing everything but.”

I have read tens of thousands of books in numerous genres.  Many I have forgotten, but many I treasure.  And every now and then a book sets off a Supernova Explosion that completely rocks my Universe.  And just as a supernova becomes a birthing place for new stars, these books become  fertile ground for my Soul to experience a rebirth.  Without a doubt, the most powerful book I have ever read is Eckart Tolle’s THE POWER OF NOW.  The book spoke to me on so many levels of my consciousness and subconscious that I was literally transformed from the inside out.   Now is ALL we have.  You cannot experience the future, you can only experience the now.  When we live in the past, we cannot live in the now and therefore cannot experience the life we are living right this moment.  When we worry about the future, we rob ourselves of living the life we have in this moment.  I cannot even begin to do justice to this book.  Just read it.  If you are worried, stressed, and your mind is in overdrive – read it.  If you are lethargic and can’t seem to care about your life – read it.  If you want a new perspective on this gift that is your life – read it.  It is not a religious text, but it is a spiritual light upon your path.

“What really compels, of course, is consciousness,

the mind’s movement through the world. 

Truly, where we direct our focus is the direction our life takes.  Life follows our eyes.  A hundred people can look at the same view, yet we each see something profoundly different. Why?  Because our perspectives are different.  Our histories, beliefs, and experiences create the filter through which we see life and all of its facets. 

“Staring at a canvas of an apple and a curl of lemon peel inevitably becomes a consideration of perception itself.”

I am grateful for this article because it has reminded me to ask myself, “What will you focus on?  What perspective will you look at your world with?  How will you filter your experiences?”  I am reminded to consciously walk through life choosing what to focus upon, all the while allowing my Soul enough freedom to perceive the connections and beauty that life brings.

“We can only distribute attention as we need to,

on what we deem to matter most.

And what we attend to gives a picture of who we are.”